Thank You Patricia Arquette! & #AskHerMore

In case you missed the 2015 Oscars (as I did), you missed out on a small score for women. HuffPost claims women only made up 19% of all non-acting nominees and 94% of Academy voters are white, while 77% are male. OUCH!

BUT Patricia Arquette stole the night (as I’m told, and as evidenced by YouTube)!

Here’s her acceptance speech when she won Best Supporting Actress for her performance in “Boyhood,”: “To every woman who ever gave birth to every taxpayer and citizen of this nation: We have fought for everybody else’s equal rights. It’s our time to have wage equality once and for all and equal rights for women in the United States of America!”

WOW! Thank you Patricia Arquette!

It takes a strong, brave women to speak out for an entire gender in a moment when most (and understandably so) would have spent more time thanking God, and their mom, and their neighbor, and their dog, and……

But, hell no, Patricia stood up strong and basically said, “This win is for all women” and, “Let’s praise all women, and show them praise by treating them with equality.”  It was really cool to see Jennifer Lopez and Meryl Streep in the audience cheering her on. There’s a good example of women uniting!

Reese Witherspoon also deserves great recognition for encouraging reporters to #AskHerMore. The #AskHerMore campaign was originally created in February 2014 to bring acceptance to the reality that reporters at the Oscars focus more on a woman’s appearance than her achievements. So how cool was it for Reese to continue the campaign by talking about #AskHerMore on Instagram, including some questions she’d love if one of the reporters would ask her. For example: What’s the biggest risk you’ve taken that you feel has paid off?” or “What accomplishment are you most proud of?”

Check out the video of Patricia! Gives me goosebumps every time I watch it!

~Raine

Photo credit, Ingrid Richter

Why I’m Skipping Seeing Fifty Shades of Grey

As hordes of people flock to see Fifty Shades of Grey in theaters, I’ll be skipping it.

I haven’t read the books either nor do I plan to.

As a woman who writes about encouraging healthy sexuality and wants to make the discussion more mainstream, you might be surprised. You might think I’d celebrate the introduction of more sexuality into the mainstream media and marketplaces. Hell, Fifty Shades themed toys are now sold at Target!

Fifty Shades is definitely opening up the conversation about sex and I do applaud it for that. It is making some of the discussions about sex more socially acceptable. That’s awesome!

But otherwise it’s a horrible representation of real world sex. So unfortunately is  most porn. What is also unfortunate is the amount of people, particularly men, who receive sex education in the form of porn. Real world sex is messy, fun, healthy and wonderful, but there is still a great deal of shame and little discussion around healthy, real sex. The choices are porn or nothing for most.

As with a lot of porn you’ll find on the Internet, Fifty Shades is abusive. Today’s porn focuses on male pleasure primarily, domination of women and horribly demeaning, abusive acts. Cum on her face. Choke her. Stuff multiple dicks or objects into all of her orifices. Most women don’t enjoy that.

Thoughts?

~Raine

Photo credit, Mike Mozart

Why Do Many of My “Squirting” Book Sales Come From the UK?

The first sale of my book, Squirting: It’s Easier Than You Think, came from the UK, and subsequently every few days I see sales trickle in from the UK. It is my second largest buyer, the US being the first. The other sales coming from Canada and Brazil.

I’m located in the US so it would make sense my book sales would be concentrated there. But I’ve done no marketing in the UK (that I’m mindfully aware of at least). Yet a large concentration of my book sales have come from the UK.

Squirting was banned from the UK in December 2014. Interestingly enough, the same month my book was published.

OK, so squirting itself wasn’t banned from the UK, but it’s depiction in porn was. UK residents can still squirt in the privacy of their own homes, but they can’t enjoy pornography depicting such a heinous sexual act (notice the sarcasm).

Maybe my sales are UK-based because if you take something away, you make them want it more?

Banning squirting from porn makes no sense to me, as well as to anyone I’ve seen comment or write articles about the ban. Banning bestiality porn makes sense. Banning teenage/child porn makes sense. Even banning BDSM makes sense to me…. yes, every 50 Shades lover is going to hate me, hell BDSM lovers will hate me too, for that matter. Removing abusive, illegal sex from porn makes sense because abusive porn can encourage abusive sex. But squirting is a fluid which is normal, and naturally comes out of a woman’s body. If that’s the case, porn showing semen coming out of a dick should be banned too.

On another note, don’t the ladies in the picture above look content and happy? That’s how many women feel after squirting. Let’s not take the enjoyment of that away from them by banning or labeling squirting as shameful.

~Raine

Photo credit, Ted Van Pelt

Why I’m Having Less Sex Than Ever After Writing a Sexuality Book

You’d think a “professional squirter” would have lots of sex. And yes, I was given that title! From the lovely, funny folks at the Peter Pinho Radio Network (PPRN) when they interviewed me about my book, Squirting: It’s Easier Than You Think. Although I will admit I don’t have any plans to allow myself to be pigeonholed into such a title. My writing is about so much more, and you’ll see that in the months to come as I release more of my writing, and more of my books.

But I digress…

Yea I could have sex if I wanted. I could easily score a Tinder date or bring someone home from a bar. But sex is much more complex than we often admit.

I CRAVE intimacy.

I met someone recently who gave me a taste of intimacy. Someone who I connected with, someone who gave me the feeling of probably the closest thing I’ve experienced to “love at first sight.” I’m generally pessimistic about love, but I have to admit, this person felt like home to me. Our interactions were loving and kind and….intimate. Exactly what I’ve been missing out on.

It made me see how unfulfilling all my other interactions with men had been for some time.

I’ve been fortunate in the dating world. I’ve attracted a wide range of physically attractive men who are  fun and doing extraordinary things in their lives.

I tend to seek out the unique and I’ve had no problem finding it.

I’ve dated rock stars, artists, and most recently I went through a spurt of dating only athletes and personal trainers.

The rock stars were fun. Seeing them on stage gives them extra sex appeal, especially knowing every woman wants them, yet most of them can’t have them.

Artists are soulful, passionate. They feed a piece of your intimacy needs, but yet if the full connection isn’t there something is lacking.

As an artist myself, I have nothing in common with the athletes. I don’t even really like sports. Yet physically they are Grade A top choice meat….ok that’s more of a joke from an Adam Sandler movie than a serious commentary, but still they look yummy!

I want to find “home.” Dating is fun and exhilarating, as well as exhausting. I can’t deny I’ve enjoyed it, and still probably will at times (especially if I go through a LONG dry spell). Until, that is, I find the right one.

Human beings are hardwired to desire intimate relationships. We want to share knowledge, concern, interdependence, mutuality, trust and commitment with another human being. Relationships affect our sense of well-being, helping us to feel connected and to boost our feelings of self-worth.

I would give up all the dating in a second for the boring, mundane of just having someone to love, care for, grow old with. What is life without someone beside you? Someone to weather the hard times with? Even just someone to carry you to bed when you get a little too drunk (again a reference to an Adam Sandler movie..sorry).

I want THAT!

What do you crave? Tell me. ~Raine

Photo credit, Ina Centaur

Want to Sleep With (or Date) An Older Woman? Here’s How!

I wrote this article awhile ago for Elite Daily because, yes, I do primarily date younger men. At the butt of my friends’ jokes at times, it’s hard to deny what I am attracted to. I live a young lifestyle, and connect with younger men, as well as find them visually appealing. Yet, I find few of those men make it past the first date.

I’m constantly surprised by the amount of men who seem to prefer to date an older woman. I have an unlimited supply in my dating pool.

But I’m worried their interest in an older woman may only be a novelty?

Few of them have figured out how to treat an older woman, and most encounters between a younger man and an older woman are unlikely to turn into a committed relationship.

If you are one of those younger men interested in pursuing a relationship, or even a casual encounter, with an older woman, I offer you this advice in my Elite Daily article The 5 Ways To Ensure An Older Woman Will Want To Sleep With You. ~Raine

Photo credit, Eleonora Pollina

#LikeAGirl & Despising Women

Originally published by Thought Catalog at www.thoughtcatalog.com

I’ve despised other women. Hated them. Been jealous of them. I’ve wanted them (and a few times have even warned them) to stay away from my boyfriends, my husband, or any romantic interest. I’ve been suspicious of their actions, distrustful of them in general. I’ve felt disrespect for them and I’ve thought less of them than their male counterparts.

I have female friends (and always have), but I have always preferred male attention over female. I was never the girl with a large group of female friends. Many of my female friendships occurred because the female pursued a friendship with me, and I suppose because humans need companionship, eventually I allowed them in, but not without a level of distrust always present, at least initially. I have female friends who I’ve been friends with for many years who I do trust now. That trust has been built over time, and to me they are different than the average female. I rarely meet a female and really make much attempt to be friends with them.

THIS phenomenon, unfortunately, is not all that uncommon. For whatever reason, women often feel threatened and jealous of other women. We love each other, yet we hate each other. We forge less-than-genuine friendships with each other. We automatically make negative assumptions about other women, and see them as rivals. We are competitive and catty. Often we gossip about each other. We hate pretty women just because they are pretty. We hate women who are smart, confident and successful, just because they are. Yet men don’t react to other men this way, instead forming “bromances” with each other. It’s not uncommon to hear a woman (myself included) say she can’t relate to other women and she gets along better with men. When a woman says this she is essentially saying being a girl is bad, while being a guy is good. When men insult other men, they may say “stop being a pussy or a bitch” or “get some balls.” We call each other sluts and whores. Why wouldn’t women prefer to be men when both women and men seem to agree there is something wrong with being a girl?

My feelings about women, and female relationships didn’t start to change drastically until just recently when I wrote Squirting: It’s Easier Than You Think. I wrote the book for women. If you only read the title, and have not actually read the book, you probably don’t understand the book is about nurturing women and empowering women. While the change in how I treat myself as well as others has been gradually changing, as I started writing the sexuality book, I felt a intense desire to help women. My next book, which should be completed soon, is about my struggles in leaving an abusive relationship. AGAIN, I wrote it for women. I want to help women and empower them.

When I saw the #LikeAGirl commercial last night, it was a lightbulb moment. Watching the commercial, and thinking about the way we view females made me realize my past disdain towards women was because I hated myself. I AM a woman. If I hate woman, it’s hate directed towards myself. I’ve seen such a stark transformation in myself over the last few years as I’ve become more empowered, more confident, stronger. My self-love has grown. With self-love, my love for others has grown, and I’m starting to see myself react to others with love and understanding, and to stop condemning.

The hate towards women, the disrespect towards women has to stop. We’ve come so far as a society with acceptance. Why are we still treating women as the lesser sex? How can we ever expect men to respect women if we don’t even respect each other? There’s a strange thought among women that if a woman is smarter, prettier or more successful, she must have a great, almost perfect, life. But in reality she experiences heartbreak, depression, feelings of low self-worth and all the other struggles everyone else does. It’s time as women to start opening our eyes and hearts to each other. ~Raine

Making it to #4 on Amazon

A few weeks ago I was sitting in a hotel room, contently gazing out at the ocean. Yet, when you’re self employed, work is never far from the mind so I logged on to Amazon.com….and WHOA, Squirting: It’s Easier Than You Think was sitting at #4 in Amazon.com’s Human Sexuality section. The entire rest of the trip was a celebration!

Making it to #4 in the Human Sexuality section is no small feat considering the books in the top three were 1. a book written by a nationally recognized sex and relationship expert who is also is a New York Times best selling author, 2. a book about the modern kama sutra and 3. a book about seduction which has become an international best seller.

Um, yea, that’s pretty exciting. I guess there are a lot of you interested in the subject. And I shouldn’t be surprised, considering “squirting” is one of the top searched porn terms.

I want to personally thank each and every one of you who has clicked the download button, the pay button or any button which allowed you to purchase my book. You have all made this possible, and I hope my book brings you many, wonderful squirting orgasms! ~Raine

My First Article for the Good Men Project

When I wrote this article, I had been experiencing some love turmoil. I’d shed some tears over the situation and even lost some sleep. But I’d spent much time in meditation too, working through my emotional state. One morning as I’d spent much time on feeling down about the situation, and an equal time working on pitches for my just released book, this story came to me, in what seemed to be a resolution to what I’d been experiencing. I realized how tightly intertwined the two concepts are. How just as with pitching sometimes I need to put the energy out there and wait patiently, or let time and circumstances run their course, so did I need to do the same with my love life. It was a break in how I’d been feeling, and caused me to feel some relief from my emotional turmoil.

I wrote this piece within an hour or so.  A therpeutic practice. But also one which earned a featured spot on the Good Men Project website. They accepted my submission and published it the very next Monday! You can also read it below.

I hope it inspires you. ~Raine

What Networking and Pitching Taught Me About Love and Rejection

After spending 15 years in a abusive relationship, and enduring a two year divorce, I came out of the ordeal fairly gun shy about relationships. Since my divorce I’ve stayed single, dating here and there, but often due to my wounded heart my survival instincts have kicked in and I’ve sabotaged most romantic pursuits. It would take someone special to capture my heart, to allow me to feel secure and safe.

I recently met someone who I knew from the minute I met him was someone I could see myself with, someone I thought I could grow to love, someone who intrigued me, someone who I desired to get to know better.

He seemed just as enticed as me, but for whatever reason after we spent a wonderful night together, he became distant, ignoring my texts and not following through with plans he’d proposed for us to spend more time together.

I was honestly a bit heartbroken.

In the past those experiences have caused my survival instincts to kick in. Instead of waiting it out, giving it time, seeing how things went the next time I saw them, I rushed to the conclusion it will never work and I’m better off alone. I have even felt resentment towards the person, which is a surefire way to turn anyone off. My own way of sabotaging any potential relationship.

Naturally when we feel affection towards someone we want them to feel it back towards us, and react in a similar way as we want to (be willing to set up dates, call us, etc.). When they don’t react in the way we would like or expect, we start to question, how could he or she possibly not like me? We may even wonder if there is something wrong with us. It can take a toll on our self-esteem.

I’m at a point in my career where I’m constantly pitching stories or networking with various types of individuals in the media in order to grow my brand or promote my work.

Often when I approach a magazine, radio producer or any other client, it’s because I like them. It’s because we share a similar message, they are trying to achieve something similar to what I am, there is a shared connection. I like what they represent and I want to be in partnership with them.

A man and a woman perform a delicate dance, particularly when they are just first getting to know each other. Each partner must find the balance between being too aggressive or retreating from the dance entirely.

The dance is similar to when you pursue a new client. If you’re too aggressive in your pitch you may turn the client off. Yet if you don’t pursue it all, you’ll never know if the client may have been willing to work with you.

But even if the client is interested in your message, it may be a matter of timing. Maybe their editorial calender is full, or the content doesn’t currently fit their plan.

In a relationship, the reality is, the person you may be ready for, may not be ready for you yet. They may need a few more experiences, or maybe it doesn’t yet fit into their plan.

Business relationships as well as personal relationships are born out of opportunity and timing. Sometimes those relationships have to be nurtured or they take time to grow into something. A client as well as a romantic interest may come back into your life when the timing is right, when it seems appropriate.

Instead of condemning the person (or client) who I desire to know better, I choose patience, acceptance and love, and the knowledge I’m right where I need to be at this very moment. The universe, God or whatever is teaching me whatever I need to learn at this point in my life.

Who knows, maybe the man I met recently will decide he likes my “pitch” and he’ll come around when the timing is right.

Photo credit, Steve Soblick