Category Archives: Sexuality

National Masturbation Month: Testing a MotorBunny! Yipee!

I was gifted a MotorBunny in honor of May staking its claim as “National Masturbation Month.” I first saw one of these types of saddle-type masturbation devices years ago on an episode of HBO’s Real Sex, and I’ve never stopped thinking about how cool it would be to own one. They’ve traditionally come at a fairly high price, into the thousands at least initially, and most units continue to stay well above $1000.

But welcome to the MotorBunny, the first “more” affordable unit, with prices starting at $899 for the Starter Kit, and only if you find it on sale, which it currently is. Scared by the price? Stick with me.

I have to admit I was a bit skeptical as to if a sex toy could really be worth even a few hundred dollars. So I was thrilled when I was gifted one to try out.

Unpacking this thing, it’s quite a beast. It comes with a stool as well as the fairly heavy, cumbersome unit. Where do you hide these things from kids or nosy guests?!!

But alas its power requires a hefty size.

It comes with several attachments, and honestly, it has to be one of the simplest things I’ve ever assembled (I just completed a bed assembly not too long ago).

I unboxed it, read the quick guide directions and it was ready to use within 10 minutes (this included washing the attachments).

Like with any sex toy, what works for some doesn’t always work for others. But what is awesome about the MotorBunny is the various speeds and settings, combined with the various attachments (over 12 including some for men) and a thorough guide that gives you ideas of how to use the motor and the stool together. It also comes with risers to adjust the clitoral contact to suit your own needs.

It is the closest thing I’ve ever felt to having sex with someone else, yet with a toy. Using your own grinding action along with the movement of the MotorBunny makes it even more so feel like real penetration. What a great substitute for when you can’t have a partner! I’m so glad MotorBunny so kindly sent me this unit. My dreams of trying a saddle type masturbation unit are realized, and now back to the bedroom and some more time with my MotorBunny!

I Do Not Regret Sharing My Story of Sexual Assault With My Children

Originally published by Thought Catalog at www.thoughtcatalog.com

When I was 8 years old a teenage boy who I didn’t know approached me while I was playing outside on the sidewalk in front of my home. He explained his bike was stuck in the mud in the river and he asked me if I’d help him get it out. I remember feeling hesitant, but at 8 years old not only did I feel coerced and intimidated by an older boy, but I simply thought you helped people who asked. Soon after our interaction I began a several block walk away from my home and into the depths of a cemetery where the river was located.

But there was no bike stuck in the mud, and it wasn’t long after I realized this fact that I was lying on my back on top of a grave site, sobbing uncontrollably, with my pants and underwear pulled down while he forcefully thrust his penis against my vagina. Any innocence I had prior was lost in that moment.

On April 1, 2015, President Obama issued a proclamation declaring April 2015 as National Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month. Based on the official White House press release, one of the goals is to work together to prevent sexual assaults.

Most of the work is on us, starting within our own homes. How many parents talk candidly about sex with their children, first of all, and then second of all, address the scary reality of sexual assault?

I started talking to my children about sex as soon as they could participate in a conversation. Our conversations have been open, fluid, ongoing, casual and evolving. It’s naive to believe children aren’t exposed to sex from an early age. It’s in the media, and in all their everyday interactions, as well as we are all born sexual beings (how do you think they got here?).

Sexual discussions begin as simple as using the proper names for reproductive parts. But I also tell my children no one touches you or removes your clothing except for mom or dad, or a physician, and a physician is only allowed to do so if mom or dad are with you. I tell them some people hurt children. I tell them I don’t know why, but they do.

Often our conversations about sex start because they ask a question, and I answer honestly, allowing them to continue to ask questions so they direct the conversation. If we see a sex scene on TV, I remind them sex isn’t the same in real life, and ask them if they have any questions about anything they saw. We talk about how sex is healthy and good, and that someday they will enjoy it, and that I hope they do.

But while some of our discussions are about the healthy, good side of sex, when my son reached age 8, the same age I was when my rape occurred, and an age when he started to want more independence, to play outside by himself, I told him my rape story. I used gentler terms, but I painted a clear picture of the reality that someone can take him from his home. It happens all the time. It happened to me, his mom. My children know my rape story, and often nonchalantly recount it, saying, “A boy took you once, mom.” or “It’s good he let you go, mom, because we wouldn’t be here if he hadn’t.” They seem to understand the dangers some people pose to them; hopefully better than I did.

I have no regrets about sharing my story with my children. I think it makes them more aware of the protection provided in staying close to home or with their parents, and proceeding carefully with strangers. They seem much less accommodating to strangers than I was; being nice is how I became a victim.

I think telling them my story helped them to understand why I’m protective. Sexual assault is not always a “stranger danger” issue (in fact, it’s rarely a stranger). So I keep them a little closer, and they don’t spend the night with or have large amounts of time alone with very many people.

Years later I feel fortunate to be alive, to be able to share my story, and maybe even help someone. There are stories across the country of children who weren’t so lucky. In 2012 the Evansdale, Iowa cousins Elizabeth Collins and Lyric Cook-Morrissey were abducted while riding their bikes. Their bodies were discovered in December of the same year. While I endured an assault and the resulting emotional scars which changed my life forever, I was still tucked in my own bed that very same night.

I don’t know if I can do enough talking with my children or take enough safeguards to protect my children from a sexual assault, or an abduction, or any serious crime. But I’m going to try.

~Raine

When It Is and Is Not Okay to Sleep With a Guy on the First Date

I wrote an article titled I Just Said What Every Other Woman Is Thinking. Thought Catalog published it. Negative comments ensued. Not only against me/my article, with comments about sleeping with him too soon (even though the article makes no mention of sleeping with the dude), but also against another woman who commented about first date sex, calling her “the whore who sleeps with all the guys on the first date.”

These are some of the other comments that were made in relation to first date sex:

“And maybe don’t give it up on the first date. (So sad and whorey) Get some self esteem, girl.”

“From my own perspective, if I go out with you and you sleep with me on the first night, I won’t stop it; however this will be a huge red flag – basically tells me you have little self control, and if you’d sleep with me this easy, then there have been others who it was just as easy for, and will be in the future. We might still talk, but in that moment it’s already been decided that you are not girlfriend or wife material; men like a CHALLENGE and dropping your panties as soon as you get wet basically lets us know there’s nothing to work for here, and we’d be better off investing time and energy elsewhere.”

“Marrying someone who has sex impulsively is not a great strategy either.”

“From a guys perspective, if you have sex with him that easily, you’ve had sex with lots of other guys that easily. So that is a big red flag you lack judgement and morals. Lots of guys will sleep with you, but few will stick around longterm. Just the way it is.”

Here’s the article I wrote in response to address the issue of whether men and women can or should sleep together on the first date.

Originally published by Thought Catalog at www.thoughtcatalog.com

Can OR should a woman sleep with a man on the first date? Will it affect the development of a committed relationship?

James Michael Sama is a fairly well-known dating and relationship blogger these days whose work regularly appears on sites like The Huffington Post, The Good Men Project and Thought Catalog. He says, “I think if you’ve got a true connection with someone – there is really no reason to wait.”

Yet Patti Stranger (aka the Millionaire Matchmaker), another well known relationship expert, lists the no-sex rule in her dating commandments, saying there should be “no sex before monogamy.”

Sex can complicate a relationship, particularly when each participant is looking for drastically different things (i.e. one wants a hookup, the other wants a relationship). The FWB concept is a trendy phenomenon in our culture, but how well does it work for most people? It usually meets a line where it either has to stop or move forward into a relationship. Sometimes sex brings out a natural intimacy the two people aren’t prepared for, and they don’t really know what to do with it. Feelings are hurt, and friendships dissolve.

From personal experience I know turning down sex when proposed in a friendship relationship MAY offer some benefits. I say “may” because I’ll never know what would have happened had we made the opposite choice.

One of my closest friends is a married male. When our friendship was just forming, his wife and him were experimenting with an open relationship. He asked me if I’d be open to having a sexual relationship with him. I turned him down for various reasons, one of the top reasons was my fear of how it could affect our friendship.

Turns out I may have made the right choice. About a year later, he told me he would never sleep with me now because he knows it would ruin the friendship we have, and he’s glad we never did. We now own a business together and have a solid close friendship.

Our sleeping together may have changed the course of our relationship.

Several psychologists chimed in on a Medical Daily article about first date sex. Dr. Fran Walfish, a psychotherapist, agrees first date sex definitely influences the development of a long-term relationship. She says, “It’s because strong healthy long-lasting relationships are built on good communication, ethics, mutual value system, character, and shared interests. Without taking the required necessary time to get to know the other person, this relationship becomes foundationally built on sex instead of the other important values. Shared values don’t go up and down. They are ever-present constant.”

Our modern, what seems to be sexually liberal, society still harshly judges women who have sex quickly, as made clear from the comments made in response to my initial article. In the Medical Daily article, Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a professor of psychology at California State University, Los Angeles, says, “If a woman agrees to have sex on the first date because she wants to, her partner may make unfair attributions about her (even after asking for sex) that she is not relationship material and may be of suboptimal moral character,”

Studies present a mixed bag of truth, but there is at least one study which points to the fact having sex early on in the relationship negatively affects the relationship. A 2012 study published in the Journal of Sex Research surveyed approximately 11,000 unmarried people in steady relationships. The study seemed to find that the people who had sex early on in the relationship had lower levels of relationship satisfaction, communication and stability compared with those couples who waited longer to have sex. Is that an accurate representation of people who fornicate earlier vs those who wait?

All of this leads to some mixed messages for both men and women. One of the problems may be we don’t usually know what we want. We may be open to a relationship, but not actively seeking one out. We may be opposed to a relationship, but realize we really want one when we meet someone. This is where it gets particularly difficult to determine if having sex will affect a developing relationship.

The consensus may be if you are looking for a relationship, it can help to build the relationship if you wait. But men and women are equally harming the formation of a relationship, if that’s the case; men aren’t off the hook here.

Why I’m Skipping Seeing Fifty Shades of Grey

As hordes of people flock to see Fifty Shades of Grey in theaters, I’ll be skipping it.

I haven’t read the books either nor do I plan to.

As a woman who writes about encouraging healthy sexuality and wants to make the discussion more mainstream, you might be surprised. You might think I’d celebrate the introduction of more sexuality into the mainstream media and marketplaces. Hell, Fifty Shades themed toys are now sold at Target!

Fifty Shades is definitely opening up the conversation about sex and I do applaud it for that. It is making some of the discussions about sex more socially acceptable. That’s awesome!

But otherwise it’s a horrible representation of real world sex. So unfortunately is  most porn. What is also unfortunate is the amount of people, particularly men, who receive sex education in the form of porn. Real world sex is messy, fun, healthy and wonderful, but there is still a great deal of shame and little discussion around healthy, real sex. The choices are porn or nothing for most.

As with a lot of porn you’ll find on the Internet, Fifty Shades is abusive. Today’s porn focuses on male pleasure primarily, domination of women and horribly demeaning, abusive acts. Cum on her face. Choke her. Stuff multiple dicks or objects into all of her orifices. Most women don’t enjoy that.

Thoughts?

~Raine

Photo credit, Mike Mozart

Why Do Many of My “Squirting” Book Sales Come From the UK?

The first sale of my book, Squirting: It’s Easier Than You Think, came from the UK, and subsequently every few days I see sales trickle in from the UK. It is my second largest buyer, the US being the first. The other sales coming from Canada and Brazil.

I’m located in the US so it would make sense my book sales would be concentrated there. But I’ve done no marketing in the UK (that I’m mindfully aware of at least). Yet a large concentration of my book sales have come from the UK.

Squirting was banned from the UK in December 2014. Interestingly enough, the same month my book was published.

OK, so squirting itself wasn’t banned from the UK, but it’s depiction in porn was. UK residents can still squirt in the privacy of their own homes, but they can’t enjoy pornography depicting such a heinous sexual act (notice the sarcasm).

Maybe my sales are UK-based because if you take something away, you make them want it more?

Banning squirting from porn makes no sense to me, as well as to anyone I’ve seen comment or write articles about the ban. Banning bestiality porn makes sense. Banning teenage/child porn makes sense. Even banning BDSM makes sense to me…. yes, every 50 Shades lover is going to hate me, hell BDSM lovers will hate me too, for that matter. Removing abusive, illegal sex from porn makes sense because abusive porn can encourage abusive sex. But squirting is a fluid which is normal, and naturally comes out of a woman’s body. If that’s the case, porn showing semen coming out of a dick should be banned too.

On another note, don’t the ladies in the picture above look content and happy? That’s how many women feel after squirting. Let’s not take the enjoyment of that away from them by banning or labeling squirting as shameful.

~Raine

Photo credit, Ted Van Pelt

Why I’m Having Less Sex Than Ever After Writing a Sexuality Book

You’d think a “professional squirter” would have lots of sex. And yes, I was given that title! From the lovely, funny folks at the Peter Pinho Radio Network (PPRN) when they interviewed me about my book, Squirting: It’s Easier Than You Think. Although I will admit I don’t have any plans to allow myself to be pigeonholed into such a title. My writing is about so much more, and you’ll see that in the months to come as I release more of my writing, and more of my books.

But I digress…

Yea I could have sex if I wanted. I could easily score a Tinder date or bring someone home from a bar. But sex is much more complex than we often admit.

I CRAVE intimacy.

I met someone recently who gave me a taste of intimacy. Someone who I connected with, someone who gave me the feeling of probably the closest thing I’ve experienced to “love at first sight.” I’m generally pessimistic about love, but I have to admit, this person felt like home to me. Our interactions were loving and kind and….intimate. Exactly what I’ve been missing out on.

It made me see how unfulfilling all my other interactions with men had been for some time.

I’ve been fortunate in the dating world. I’ve attracted a wide range of physically attractive men who are  fun and doing extraordinary things in their lives.

I tend to seek out the unique and I’ve had no problem finding it.

I’ve dated rock stars, artists, and most recently I went through a spurt of dating only athletes and personal trainers.

The rock stars were fun. Seeing them on stage gives them extra sex appeal, especially knowing every woman wants them, yet most of them can’t have them.

Artists are soulful, passionate. They feed a piece of your intimacy needs, but yet if the full connection isn’t there something is lacking.

As an artist myself, I have nothing in common with the athletes. I don’t even really like sports. Yet physically they are Grade A top choice meat….ok that’s more of a joke from an Adam Sandler movie than a serious commentary, but still they look yummy!

I want to find “home.” Dating is fun and exhilarating, as well as exhausting. I can’t deny I’ve enjoyed it, and still probably will at times (especially if I go through a LONG dry spell). Until, that is, I find the right one.

Human beings are hardwired to desire intimate relationships. We want to share knowledge, concern, interdependence, mutuality, trust and commitment with another human being. Relationships affect our sense of well-being, helping us to feel connected and to boost our feelings of self-worth.

I would give up all the dating in a second for the boring, mundane of just having someone to love, care for, grow old with. What is life without someone beside you? Someone to weather the hard times with? Even just someone to carry you to bed when you get a little too drunk (again a reference to an Adam Sandler movie..sorry).

I want THAT!

What do you crave? Tell me. ~Raine

Photo credit, Ina Centaur

Want to Sleep With (or Date) An Older Woman? Here’s How!

I wrote this article awhile ago for Elite Daily because, yes, I do primarily date younger men. At the butt of my friends’ jokes at times, it’s hard to deny what I am attracted to. I live a young lifestyle, and connect with younger men, as well as find them visually appealing. Yet, I find few of those men make it past the first date.

I’m constantly surprised by the amount of men who seem to prefer to date an older woman. I have an unlimited supply in my dating pool.

But I’m worried their interest in an older woman may only be a novelty?

Few of them have figured out how to treat an older woman, and most encounters between a younger man and an older woman are unlikely to turn into a committed relationship.

If you are one of those younger men interested in pursuing a relationship, or even a casual encounter, with an older woman, I offer you this advice in my Elite Daily article The 5 Ways To Ensure An Older Woman Will Want To Sleep With You. ~Raine

Photo credit, Eleonora Pollina

Making it to #4 on Amazon

A few weeks ago I was sitting in a hotel room, contently gazing out at the ocean. Yet, when you’re self employed, work is never far from the mind so I logged on to Amazon.com….and WHOA, Squirting: It’s Easier Than You Think was sitting at #4 in Amazon.com’s Human Sexuality section. The entire rest of the trip was a celebration!

Making it to #4 in the Human Sexuality section is no small feat considering the books in the top three were 1. a book written by a nationally recognized sex and relationship expert who is also is a New York Times best selling author, 2. a book about the modern kama sutra and 3. a book about seduction which has become an international best seller.

Um, yea, that’s pretty exciting. I guess there are a lot of you interested in the subject. And I shouldn’t be surprised, considering “squirting” is one of the top searched porn terms.

I want to personally thank each and every one of you who has clicked the download button, the pay button or any button which allowed you to purchase my book. You have all made this possible, and I hope my book brings you many, wonderful squirting orgasms! ~Raine

That One Time I Appeared on the Peter Pinho Radio Network

Shortly after my book, Squirting: It’s Easier Thank You Think was released, I received a phone with an excited man named Brian on the other end. Brian is one of the hosts/producers at PPRN, the Peter Pinho Radio Network. For those of you who don’t know what PPRN is, it’s a podcast with a Mancow/Howard Stern-esque feel. It’s humor and music, with some shock value mixed in. Brian explained to me squirting had been a regular topic on their show, and he was ecstatic to have me on the show. He said they never called guests, had a long list of people who wanted on the show, and this was a unique phone call. He begged me to be on the show that night, but he wasn’t telling any of the other hosts. I would be a surprise featured guest. Just the night before their featured guest had been actress Tracey Birdsall, who you may know from her appearances on Young and the Restless, Family Ties, Casino, and other TV and movies (no big deal, right?). I was thrilled and honored, especially considering the book had just launched. Some sexuality experts/authors might not have been as thrilled. I take the subject of female pleasure very seriously, yet I can still see the humor in squirting. I knew it would be a fun time, and still an opportunity to promote my book.

The group at PPRN is a hilarious, fun loving bunch. We had a great time. I even hung out on air for over one hour. Unfortunately, the first half hour was inaudible to the listeners, as they had some sound issues. We promoted the book multiple times, but also talked about how far I could squirt and what other options we might have for utilizing the power of squirting.

By the end of the segment, we had determined we needed to co-write two more follow-up books, one a pop-up book which squirts at you at the end, and the other a recipe book which includes such delicacies as a squirt fluid marinade for salmon.

You can listen to the podcast below. Start at about the 37 minute mark, when you can actually hear me. ~Raine

Well…this is me

Well…this is me. Some days I’m not sure how I got to this point in my life. Life experience led me to first write a sexuality book, and now I’m working on publishing my second book, about my time (a long time) spent in an abusive relationship. I struggle with sharing these parts of myself, some of the most vulnerable parts of myself, of my life, of my history. I didn’t come here in pursuit of exhibition, but instead I hope to inspire others (particularly women) to become stronger, happier, empowered. It seems we’ve come a long way as a society, but yet we still have a lot of work to do in how we treat each other, and just as importantly how we expect ourselves to be treated. Join me on this journey of sharing myself with you through my writing. I hope something will hit a nerve and inspire you to become a better, healthier version of yourself. Maybe some of you will inspire me along the way. ~Raine